Today was the absolute and final straw in the whole 'me and you' saga! I was seriously getting sick and tired of you expecting me to suddenly forgive and forget all the mean, hateful, nasty things you have been doing to me every since I answered your damn email on OkCupid! I do not for the life of me understand how you feel that what you did wasn't cheating and lying to me. It doesn't matter anymore though because in the end you will make sure that I look like the bad guy in all of this and if that is what makes you happy and allows your world to continue to rotate then so be it. I personally know my part in all of this and I have to say what I did was wrong. I wanted to be done with you almost immediately but like a fool I thought you could change and I would see you once again as the man I fell in love with so long ago. That didn't happen and all I saw was your constant deterioration to the person I knew I didn't want to be with anymore back in late December of 2010. I quit kissing you and having sex with you for a very valid reason, I did not trust you anymore. I honestly do not know who you were kissing or having sex with when I wasn't around. I do know that you were still keeping in contact with Shannon after you supposedly told her to quit texting and calling you. I do not believe for one single second that you severed that relationship for me, she filled a sick need for you to be a 'ladies man'. Enjoy because I do not desire to be a bevy of anything to anyone. I deserve to be treated like I matter and like I am worth something and I am going to find that from someone someday. I don't know when it will happen but as long as I am true to myself and hold my head high I am bound to find a person to treat me as their equal. With all of this being said, I have just a few last minute comments as to why in the last couple months I have specifically chosen to not kiss you or have sex with you. It wasn't just because of all the stuff you did and the knowing that you were cheating. It was this specifically- I have never enjoyed kissing you because honestly you are not that good at it at all, I have never really enjoyed sex with you unless you were using your right hand. I need more than 30 seconds of actual intercourse to fill my needs, so yes maybe a 'marathoner' is a much better fit for me all around. I am not trying to be mean here just stating a factual reason for me withholding certain things from you. When I said I didn't want to kiss you because of the rape I meant that as well, I don't need flashbacks and lately your whole attitude with me did nothing but make me feel like I did the day I was raped. I will not willingly give that power to anyone and by me not doing that was me taking control for my sanity so make fun of me some more if that makes you feel better.I am done....have a good life and I really hope you treat the next person that comes along a whole lot better than you ever did me!
I've been thinking and I am still pissed at you because you are a coward! Every time you have one of your temper tantrums and decide I am doing imaginary things to you, you text me or send me an IM telling me off and deciding that we don't belong together. It's not the not belonging together that irritates me at all its the whole way you do it. Be a friggin man and talk to me face to face and quit hiding behind a computer or cell phone. I absolutely deserve a lot more respect than that and you cannot seem to be enough of a human being to actually give that to me. I hope more than anything the last text I got from you was just that...the LAST TEXT ever. I have zero intention of ever needing to speak to you again or to see you in person. I have moved on with my entire life and no where in it are you ever thought of. The only reason I am writing this now is to get the very last bit of anger towards you off my chest once and for all. SO adios, goodbye, farewell, so long..........
