I feel like I am obsessing about things that I cant do anything about. I spent half the night thinking about the past, and the current. The things that I need changed still need to be changed and the things I need to change I have been trying to change. I really do nt want to be someones left over or someone that anyone would be with because it may be easier. I want a sort of fairy tale type thing. I want to be romanced, dated, and then if doing these things leads to true feelings between me and another than so be it. I want to walk through life with my head held high and know that I am important, not just to my kids but to myself too.
I want to be seen for who I think I am, the person I see myself as not as someone the world hates. I feel like my life has been one mistake after another and I know that I have a large part in that. I would love to have that feeling that I can do anything I set my mind to but I am not sure I can. I feel more vunerable now than I ever have and I feel more judged than I ever have.
I just want the person who wants to be with me to stand up with me, hold my hand when I am sad and lonely, dry my tears when I cry, be there for me and listen to me, laugh with me, and know that I make them feel like the most important person in the world. If you feel the way you say you do about me, someday in some way I hope you can make others see me. Really see me, through your eyes. I dont know, maybe I am asking or expecting too much from any one person.
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